BEEN THERE, DONE THAT?

I read a blog written by a close friend of mine... he is a very good writer and i read his blogs regularly... I also call him often and remind him to increase the frequency of his blogs...

One of his latest blogs mentions that he has a feeling of "Been there, Done that"... A few posts earlier, he was mentioning that he feels that he has achieved so much that he can retire...

He is just 26 today, and works as a Project Leader in one of the best companies in India... He is very dedicated and hard-working... His work was often appreciated when we were working together... Even today, he is one of the best people in his team... Not only that, he is a very nice human being and a very helpful individual...

But then, why would one think of retirement only after 4 years of work?

I have seen quite a few friends and relatives reflect similar feelings... I have seen ppl plan retirement in the age group of 45-50 and retire even before their 50's... These ppl are/were significantly successful in their fields and are well respected in their social circle... But then, they retire pretty early in their life... way before they achieve whatever they are capable of... Most of them are in software or ad agencies or in jobs which pay very well...

And then, on the other side of the spectrum, I see people who have a never ending zeal and enthusiasm towards life... Most of these are senior ppl, who have achieved a lot in their life... But, still there is something which keeps them going...

My mother -- she has Masters of Arts in History and Masters in English Literature... has been working for more than 30 yrs... She is a grandmother of a 2 yr old and is over 55 now... But even today, she wants to complete her PhD... She had diabetes and was obese, but has mastered yoga and brought her BP, Sugar and weight under control... She featured on the front page of Times of India because of her yoga activities...

My wife's Uncle -- He is a CEO of 2 companies and is considered a pioneer in his field, so much that his idea can fetch him millions of dollars every year, just out of royalty... He is above 65 and is a grandfather too... But still, he works 20 hrs a day, provides free consultation to upcoming enterpreneurs and sleeps only 4 hrs a day... At this age, he is going to Antartica and wants to ski there...

Another of my wife's uncle -- He is a well respected Doctor, a anaestheologist, with a practicing history of about 15 years... A very social and polite human being is very active with Chinmaya mission... He is 50+ and is very successful in his career... At this age, he is starting to learn classical vocal and wants to perform next year at his annual family get-together...

Another of my wife's uncle -- He is another doctor, a nephrologist, who has been practicing for 20 years now... He has back trouble and cannot do any strenous physical activity... has saved enough for generations to follow... still, he plays cricket regularly, and insists on keeping wickets whenever he plays... everyday, he goes to Bangalore hospital and offers free consultation to the poor and needy...

A few other well known ones like
-- Sachin Tendulkar - after 18 yrs of international cricket, still wants to play more and more...
-- Innumerable Indian politicians - after more than 30-40 years of politics, still want to go and contest more elections...
-- Bill Gates - the richest individual, but still is so active in his corporate life and social work...
-- Tatas and Ambanis and Birlas and Ruias and Bajajs and NRNs and Godrejs and Wadias - all these corporate honchos who are never satisfied with their achievements and want to scale newer heights...

Many such people, whom we see in our daily life, just want to go on and on and on... I cannot mention everyone here, but each one of them is a legend, in their own right... what is it that keeps them going on forever?

Why is it that some people think of retiring early and some keep going on and on... Is it that the people who have come up the hard way never feel like giving it up? Is it that software engineers and ad executives and Management Graduates, who were lucky to get good jobs and fat salaries just out of college, are shallow thinkers and get that sense of achievement very quickly... Is our sense of achievement just a Mirage...

Have we really "Been there, Done that" ?
WHAT IF...

Less than 2 weeks ago, my wife and I celebrated our First Wedding Anniversary... Anyone and everyone who wished us, mentioned the phrase "Cant believe it has been 1 year" without fail... Its not their fault... To tell the truth, even we did not realize that it has been one year since we got married... life has really changed for both of us since the wedding...


So, today i was just thinking how my life would have been if i had not got married... And whatever I could think, was really funny...

* I would still be staying with flatmates, but the better salary would have allowed me the financial freedom of having 1 entire room to myself instead of sharing it with someone...

* Instead of buying a Corolla, I would be driving a Lexus or a Merc but would not have a nice person sitting in that car next to me...

* The most important decision of the day would be to choose the restaurant for lunch...

* I would save all the money I have spent on Phone calling cards to India but would have spent that amount on "Ready to Eat" stuff...

* I would jump on any remote invite for lunch/dinner from my married friends without even thinking of inviting them even once...

* I would have seen most of the US by now and would be searching for most remote of locations for my next long weekend...

* I would have made fun of married guys that they are henpecked...

* I would have full control over the laptop, but would have run out of good stuff eventually... coz I would have been hooked on to the net full time...

* And finally, I would be writing a blog on "how my life would have been if I had got married"...

MIRAGE

Promises, however sincere, cannot always be delivered... The person, making the promise, may mean, to keep the promise, from the bottom of the heart... The effort spent in meeting the promise may also be top notch... but still, the promise may never be fulfilled... It always looks like a mirage...

My parents had promised me that if I study hard, then I wont have to struggle for anything in my life... Anything and everything will be available for me at my beck and call...

They said that I can wear the best of clothes, I will be able to afford them... Today, even if I go to the best of the clothing showrooms, the regular US sized clothing does not fit me perfectly, and there are no shops offering any alteration service... Promise fulfilled, yet a mirage...

They said I can afford to have a car, a really big achievement when I was 5-6 yrs old... Today, I have bought a new car, but am worried about the EMI and about the APR charged for the car loan... Promise fulfilled, yet a mirage...

They said I can have a very nice family life... Today I miss my parents for every festival... my wife misses her parents every weekend... we miss those days when mother used to give a nice massage with coconut oil... we miss our special delicacies cooked expertly by her... Even though we can talk to them at the cost of some petty cents every minute and see them live on a webcam, we miss that affectionate touch... Promise fulfilled, yet a mirage...

They said that we can earn nicely and lead a lavish life... There is a good salary... We wont have to do any household chores... Today, my wife and I debate on who will do the dishes and who will vaccum the floor and who will do the laundry... Promise fulfilled, yet a mirage...

They said that we can lead a very healthy life and even if something went wrong, we could hire the best medical help... Today I had to postpone MRI scans for my sore shoulder because the co-pay was a whopping 500$... Promise fulfilled, yet a mirage...

They said that we can have the best cooked meals every time and afford to go any restaurants... but today, we limit our trips to indian restaurants as the only one who offer good food is really far away... the ones nearby serve the same run-of-the-mill menu items day-in and day-out... Promise fulfilled, yet a mirage...

They said that I can go for foreign tours, whenever and wherever I wanted... Today, I cant even plan to go to India to meet my parents, because the visa stamping dates are not available for the next 6 months... Promise fulfilled, yet a mirage...

They said that I can eat as much tea and pakodas as I can... today, my wife makes excellent tea and pakodas, but together we cant even finish 1 plate... so we make it once in a month or even rarer... Promise fulfilled, yet a mirage...
They said that I will be able to see all the possible programmes on TV... Today, my cable service provider does not offer any Indian channels and the nearest Indian movie theater screens a new Indian movie once in 3 months... Promise fulfilled, yet a mirage...

These and many more instances in my daily life dwindle my belief in promises made... My parents' promises were sincere... i put my best effort in my job and in my studies... I cannot say that they broke their promises... but still, today, I yearn for them...

Promise fulfilled, yet a mirage...

You made my day !!!


One fine day, all out of the blue, you get up, finish the routine morning activities, prepare your fresh cup of tea and grab the laptop do the most important ritual of a IT guy... Check mails...

There is a mail from the agency which monitors your pay check saying that the salary is deposited... nothing unusual... this mail comes every 15 days... this time also I was anticipating this mail... but still, every time this mail lands in my inbox, it brings out a smile at the corner of your lips... the same tea tastes a lot better, the same ginger brings a unique flavor and the same morning feels a lot better... There is a smile and u say -- U made my day !!!

Then u scroll thru the remaining new mails... An old friend sends a mail which really sends a happy chill down your spine... you cant recover from that for the whole day... Not that this was unanticipated... u knew this was going to happen... but this is what u wanted from a long long time to happen... suddenly there are invisible shock-absorbers in your heels and suddenly there is a spring in ur step... it feels nice... There is a smile and u say -- U made my day !!!

Then ur wife checks her mails... she also gets one mail which she has been anticipating for long... it makes her flash her thousand watt smile... for her too, the morning cereal is more crispy... the sun is soothingly warm... There is a smile and u say -- U made my day !!!

I fail to understand why there is this happiness even though these events are anticipated and sure to happen... Never were such sure-to-happen results, so very satisfying... Why is there a smile and why do we say -- U made my day !!!

And thats when I thought abt another such event... The would-be-parents know that they are going to have a baby... they know it for 9 long months... They have been planning the baby room... the baby's name... the finances... the many not-so-mundane things... there are innumerable visits to the doctor... innumerable morning sicknesses... innumerable sweet moments... then there are those long labor hours and waits outside the labor room... the script is written well in advance... everyone knows the results... But still when the baby enters the world, There is a smile and they say -- U made my day... what more, they celebrate the day for years to come... Need I say anything more...

The least I can do is smile and say -- U made my day !!!

DEJA VU

So what if someone had said that lightning does not strike at the same time twice... I got STRUCK twice... Well, ALMOST... And it was "WELL ALMOST" both the times... It did THUNDER twice, i mean it threaten to STRIKE a bolt of lightning, twice...
It was DEJA VU all over again... And believe me, DEJA VU isnt good...

The first time, it was a series of burps... I said EXCUSE ME and carried on... (Confused? Read my previous blog !!!)... But this time, it was not so simple... There were no regular burps this time, but had there been even one, it would have been fatal...
Last time the burps where bad... this time, i didnt want them at all... It was DEJA VU all over again... Believe me, DEJA VU isnt good...
She decided to go to London to meet her folks... I saw her off at the airport... She was supposed to reach London at 5 am EST Thursday... I had just resigned myself to first "post-marraige-bachelor-siesta" when my cell gave me a early wake-up alarm... It was 4 am to be precise... It was her... Her first word was "NIKHIL"... The tone was different... I immediately sensed something was not right... I could feel the tremor, the tension in her voice... She said that her connecting flight was delayed, coz of a bomb threat in London... Caught unawares, I asked her to hold fort, till she hears something concrete... Then i tried to get some info from the net and got to know that something serious has happened...
Last time, I got to know from the net and i rushed to use the phone... This time I got to know from the phone and i rushed to use the net... It was DEJA VU all over again... Believe me, DEJA VU isnt good...
She called again... This time, I could feel that she was shaken to the core... She was almost abt to break down... I tried to console her and make sure that she gathers herself alright... Helplessness was creeping in... How much ever I wanted to help, there wasnt really much that I cud do with just a cell phone and a laptop...
Last time I could not do much with a phone and a laptop... This time too... It was DEJA VU all over again... Believe me, DEJA VU isnt good...
She waited at the airport... called me again... this time, she was composed and calm... she had secured a ticket to the manchester airport... she was to call me from Manchester, once she lands there... So, I started collecting information abt how she will reach London from Manchester... I had kept all the info ready, waiting for her to call... But that call did not come....
Last time I was wishing I cud reach my family... This time i was wishing my family could reach me... It was DEJA VU all over again... Believe me, DEJA VU isnt good...
My parents called... They were worried abt her... but they did not show it, coz they knew i was tense... But I cud make it from their voice... Last time my wife was worried abt my parents, but did not show it, coz she knew i was tense... but i cud make out from her voice...
It was DEJA VU all over again... Believe me, DEJA VU isnt good...
I was expecting the call at abt 11.30 EST... After 11.30, every passing moment was like an era... a dark era of clouds, which never seemed to end... This feeling, where you want to do a lot, but cant do anything is the worst one ever... You cant eat, cant concentrate on your work, cant think anything... I went thru that feeling for 4 long hours... those were the longest 4 hours in my life... Its like waiting on a dark cloudy night where it is thundering and still hoping that the lightning doesnt strike... twice...
Last time too bad thoughts were encroaching my mind... This time too... It was DEJA VU all over again... Believe me, DEJA VU isnt good...
Finally, after a long wait for 4 hrs, I got a call... She had managed to reach London from Paris via Manchester using 1 aeroplane, 2 trains and 1 cab... all on her own... Suddenly, the dark night was over, the clouds had vanished, the sun was out and the sunlight was helping evaporate the dew on the fresh blades of grass... All was well then... Work was interesting again... I was hungry again... I burped again... I said EXCUSE ME again... I carried on again...
It was DEJA VU all over again... Well, DEJA VU isnt that bad after all... Believe me...
EXCUSE ME
(07/11/2006)
I came today to the office... and was sipping my cup of fresh coffee and started my day with the routine browsing of some news websites... thats when i got a feel of THE ACTION... I also depict MY REACTION at a run time basis... and what I feel of my reaction today...

THE ACTION -- BAM!!! the first news i see is that of "a bomb blasts in a train in khar"...
MY REACTION -- Okay !!! this is nothing new... nowadays, bomb blasts in mumbai are like a burp... u burp, u say a routine "EXCUSE ME" and continue with your life... for me, it really did not matter coz i know my near and dear ones do not venture near the railway stations at this time of the day... so ? I dont care !!!
EXCUSE ME -- So, this city nurtured you for 22 long yrs... your home is a burn victim... and you dont care coz u arent charred... talk abt loyalty and deserting someone in the time of need...

THE ACTION -- Then, after some time, the details started trickling in... "the blast occurred in a first class bogey... the bogey was ripped apart... atleast 7 dead"...
MY REACTION -- Crap!!! the first class compartment has atleast 200 ppl at that time... and if the bogey is ripped apart, then for sure, atleast 70 are dead... tell me that more ppl are dead...
EXCUSE ME -- So, 7 ppl are killed... 7 families are crushed... 7 wives lost their husbands... 7 mothers lost their sons... some kids lost their papa... And what did i ask for? tell me that is 70 !!! Probably, i should enroll in one of those terror outfits who would be celebrating their "triumph"...

THE ACTION -- Atleast 4 blasts, in places far away from my home...
MY REACTION -- Good for me... my folks are safe...
EXCUSE ME -- Good for you? How do u know for sure that none of ur close ones were there... And does Mumbai for u mean only 5 ppl (Father, Mother, Sister, Bro-In-Law and nephew)... so if they are alive, then all is well in Mumbai?

THE ACTION -- One more blast... this time in Santacruz, the place where I stay...
MY REACTION -- Hell has broken loose in Mumbai... Let me call up my parents asap... Let me check if all is well with them... But lines are jammed... why, some less important ppl are using those phone lines to inform their close ones abt their safety... What the hell... for me, my folks are imp... I should have atleast 1 line totally reserved for me, so that I can reach my folks in such a situation... i dont care abt anyone else...
EXCUSE ME -- Hello Mr. All-Of-A-Sudden-Terror-Victim? Suddenly, you are one of the panic stricken helpless mumbai-ite who is totally shattered...

THE ACTION -- All lines jammed, but my wife intelligently manages to meet my parents online on the internet and ensure that they are safe... Sis and Bro-In-Law are unreachable and untraceable though... Soon after, I am able to make sure that Sis, Bro-In-Law and nephew are safe too...
MY REACTION -- So, its not that bad... Just a regular burp... Okay!!! a SERIES of burps... But all's well that ends well...
Atleast I can have stuffed capsicum for lunch and kulfi for dessert.... Its fine in Mumbai... now lets see how many have died... Only 120? Crap... Tell me atleast 500 have died...
EXCUSE ME -- Google for the terror organization enrollment forms... Get lost!!!

THE ACTION -- A general appeal to everyone to donate blood, so that the injured get a chance to live...
MY REACTION -- Only if I was in mumbai, i would have donated blood and helped one mother save her son... help one wife save her husband... help one small kid save her papa...
EXCUSE ME -- You chose to stay in this land of Uncle Sam, where even if u volunteer to donate blood, you are sent back coz u come from the land of Malaria and Encaphilitis... from the land of blood sucking insects... But today, humans in Mumbai await to "suck" your blood and you cant be of any help...

THE ACTION -- Life limps back to normal... by Thursday morning Mumbai will be back on its feet...
THE REACTION -- Thats the spirit of Mumbai... we will never kneel... No other country in the world can boast of such a grit and determination and courage... blah!!! blah!!! blah!!!
EXCUSE ME -- Grit? Courage? Determination? My foot.... It just means, you are not brave enough to hit back at the guy who has just slapped you right in front of the whole world... who has knocked you out in a never ending bout... You are just saying, I am ready to take another blow... Come and hit me... Knock me out again...

THE ACTION -- The death numbers are still increasing...
THE REACTION -- Oh!!! numbers are increasing... well, they were bound to increase... let me check some other numbers for a change... Let me check Infosys Quarterly results... oh... here too the numbers are on the increase... well, they were bound to increase...
EXCUSE ME -- Come and Hit me... Knock me out again...
ITS NEVER ENOUGH !!!

Today, i am really in an envious spot... a good job where I am enjoying what I am doing... nice pay where i can spend ample and yet save... great wife, she seems to be everything which i ever wanted my wife to be... nice family... still, i feel life has a lot of shortcomings...

there is so much to achieve...there never seems to be enough... in geometry, there were two terms called as "neccessary" and "sufficient"... though i was very good in mathematics, i somehow had problems in finding the difference in "neccessary" and "sufficient"...

today, the same problem continues to intrigue me... how much is neccessary and how much is sufficient... there is a fine line between these two terms... yet the journey between neccessary and sufficient never seems to end... its never enough...

today, i feel like asking myself... is it ever enough?